The couples who enjoyed their own wedding day, and what they did differently

Most people assume the couples who enjoyed their wedding day were the ones who got lucky. No rain. No missing supplier. No relative causing a scene at the bar. A day where nothing went wrong.

That’s not what separates them from the pack.

We’ve watched enough weddings from the inside to notice something different amongst couples. Those who got the most out of their weddings, weren’t the ones with the smoothest logistics. Some of their days had some major problems – a late delivery or a seating change moments before guests arrived. One bride found out the band’s van had broken down forty minutes before the first dance. (She didn’t know until the next day. Her husband didn’t either.)

Happiness and smooth logistics are not the same thing

This is the part that gets misinterpreted most often. When couples visualise their wedding, it is with an absence of mishaps because that is their assumption of what happiness looks like on the day. It isn’t. Plenty of weddings run without a single hiccup and the couple who have half a toe involved in the wedding logistics, still spends the evening managing and checking, only half-present as a consequence, in their own celebration. Whilst on the other hand,  plenty of high end, large scale (and small) weddings have a genuine problem behind the scenes that never reaches the couple at all, because someone else was managing it.

The couples who enjoy their day made one decision early that others fail to make: they decided, in advance, that they wouldn’t be the ones managing anything on the day itself.

What they did differently

A few patterns show up time and again. They picked one point of contact, months before the wedding, and gave that person the authority to make calls without checking back. Not a list of suppliers each reporting separately. One person, one line of communication, one decision-maker who wasn’t the bride or groom.

They decided on their approach to their wedding, what they were willing to let go of before the day arrived, not during it. A guest who arrives late. A song on the DJ’s list that was never played. These are wonderful details, but ones that don’t affect whether the day was good. They knew that going in, so when small things happened, nobody, least of all them, flinched.

They stopped checking and let things flow. There’s a point in the morning when they handed the day over completely and didn’t ask for updates. They cared as much as anyone. They’d also already chosen who to trust, they already knew what they were capable of and what needed to be done. Letting go was simple.

The part their guests remember most

Something missed is easy to notice from the couple’s side. But guests don’t remember the seating plan or whether the band started on time. They remember the time they had with the wedding couple, sweet moments shared by the family, nostalgic anecdotes told well into the dawn, and the energy, the lighthearted energy of a wedding celebration where the couple are not engaged with the logistics on their very special day.

A wedding where the couple is noticeably present changes the energy. Guests relax when the hosts relax. That’s the return on everything that happened in the months of planning and coordination with the wedding planner leading up to the wedding: two people got to enjoy their wedding day, surrounded by the people who love them most. 

Of all the days where you have permission to trust in the process and let go, your wedding is most certainly it. 

Where to start

If you’re early into wedding planning, decide now who you’re happy to hand the day over to, and how completely you’re willing to let go once you do. Everything else, happiness included, follows from there.

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